one hundred days iv been at it, and people notice and I feel amazing for it, Iv had my hair done and now I feel a new person! I lost 5 pound this week too :) 

On the positive side my knee isn’t in as much pain as yesterday, however now my abs KILL, from all the sit-ups, Russian twists, planks and everything else. I ache so much, but I guess that can only be a positive sign. 

Iv still stuck to my diet plan. I’m pretty pleased with myself this week, I think I finally have it back on track. I just have one more day of sit-ups and diets to endure before weigh-in. I hope to god I can finally lose some weight this week. Losing 1 pound in 4 weeks is very disappointing but now I’m back on track hopefully the weight will fall off. 

Another successful day! The diet I stuck to, I went shopping and bought all my essentials for the week. I took my shopping list and stuck to it. I was pleased with myself, I wasn’t tempted by the junk snacks on offer. Instead i decided to buy myself some new underwear to remind me that I am smaller and if I carry on I will get smaller! 

At the gym, I managed 20 mins on the treadmill before my knee was in agony. I also did 10 minutes on the rower. After that me and my friend, focused on the stomach and pushed ourselves until we felt sick. I experienced my first Russian twist today and although it hurts like hell after a while, its a satisfying pain. I think I have a new love for exercise! 

Mentally I feel happier, people who I know vaguely as well as family and friends are noticing and commenting on how much weight Iv lost which is an amazing motivation booster as well as the attention I know get from guys, (which is a first.) 

I know I have at least another 2 stone to go before I’m classed as a healthy weight, but I will do it, I’m motivated now. I’m back :) 

Today I have eaten well :) I need to go shopping in the morning to get my food. 

Iv also exercised, not as much as I wanted because of my knee but I have pushed myself. 

This weekend Iv binged so much, I feel sick. I dont know why, I just couldn’t stop myself. 

I’m so angry and disappointed in myself. I wish I could just quit the cravings :/ tomorrow Im straight back on it, Im not gunna fail. Aprils gonna be my month to shed some pounds! 

Today’s been a good day both diet and exercise wise. I now have a gym buddy, a friend from work has joined the same gym, which is great because it gives me more motivation. 

hopefully I will lose some weight this week I have tried hard. Even if its just a pound I’d be grateful. 

night all…

I think being angry, frustrated and sad makes me work harder at the gym. I suppose theres a good thing within every emotion. 

I seem to have lost an appetite, I dont know if I’m unwell or if its just my mental state that’s effecting me but I have never lost my appetite EVER, so I know somethings wrong. 

On that note, Iv decided to make April my ultimate weight loss month i want to lose at least 8 pounds that’s 2 pounds a week. I need to make up for march. over the weekend I’m going to strictly plan my diet and exercise. I need to get my weight off. 

So like I thought I haven’t lost any weight this week. That’s a total of one pound weight loss in 3 weeks. Its pathetic because my holiday is getting closer and closer.

I honestly don’t know what to do, I went to the gym earlier I ran 2.5km and then had to emergency stop because I nearly passed out. I dont know whats happening to me, my mind wants to keep going but my body just wants me to stop. Its the wrong way round. 

A few friends came over last night and once everyone had gone to bed, me and a guy friend stayed up and talked for a  long time, I think it was 6am before we got to bed. It was nice to have someone to talk to but at the same time have someone whose relatable to my life, because his is just as fucked up as mine. He said some of the nicest thingst to me too, which were truley flattering, because I’v never been told them before and I never expected them to be said by him. 

My heads all over the place, I’m so stressed, everything has been building and building and today Iv just mentally broken down, I’m trying to fix myself but its hard, and I don’t want to tell anyone how I feel because I know that they will see me as pathetic and weak, and that’s not want I want to be.